Purpose

"I long for that sunset and that star-filled sky. My soul aches for that vast, open sky and endless horizon, uninterrupted by buildings or traffic. My heart yearns for the laughter and beautiful voices of hundreds of lovely children singing to us. I'm jealous for that pure joy, that radiating happiness regardless of temporary circumstances. It was there that I felt the true presence of God. It was then that I truly fell in love for the first time - with my Savior and all that He is, and a girl named Rebecca. It was in the middle of a field, walking on a well worn path to a village, that I finally felt the freedom God so often speaks of. It was at a school where I learned the meaning of slowing down, not worrying, and taking time to invest in the people God has placed in your life. It was in a tent on a Sunday that I witnessed true worship. It was in a hut built by a woman named Anna that I received healing and confirmation from God. It was at 5 a.m. when I stood across from Mt. Kenya and watched the sun rise. In all its glory, it was then that I witnessed creation worshiping its creator. It was on a street with no name, and in the hands of a community that I left my heart. It was on an airplane that I left my fear behind and learned to embrace the journey."

I wrote this after returning from Kenya the first time. And it's been mind blowing to look back and see the things God has allowed me to fall completely in love with. And, I know, at the root of it all, is Him. At the base, at the bottom, at the foundation of everything in my life, sits my Almighty Father on His holy and righteous throne. It is because of His grace, love, passion and relentless pursuit of my heart and life that I am able to know and understand where He has me and where He is taking me. I can't tell you the number of visions that dance through my head that I know are completely from the Lord and that I know He will bring to fruition one day. It is with boldness and confidence and pure JOY that I can say I'm thankful for the desert He has me in right now. I've never been more miserable in school in my life. But I've never been more satisfied in my Savior. I was made in the image of the Creator, the image of Christ, the image of my Father. Jesus went to the desert before He began His 33 year long ministry. So, why wouldn't Jesus ask me to do the same.

I've learned in the past few weeks that God will test you. He will push you. Because He alone knows what you're capable of. He knows when you're going to persevere and when you're going to crash and burn. He knew I would want to quit (and still do some days.) But, He also knew I would seek Him and listen to His spirit. He knew I would keep going and come out stronger than before. And, I truly believe that this is what the next three years are for - strengthening me so that I am prepared to leave here and go to where I've been called. He knows my heart longs for that day. But He keeps me focused while I'm here. He knows. He knows it ALL.

If you've ever read Kisses From Katie, you might remember the part where she talks about Pslam 37:4 which says, "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." She talks about how she changed her perspective on that verse and when she did, her life began to change. She began to ask God to make HIS desires HER desires and He began to open so many doors. The same is true for me. I began doing the same thing and rather than just praying for God to send me to Kenya, I began to ask Him to send me on His time and to close that door if it wasn't something He had planned for me. Well, He opened doors and opened them ALL the way! He has faithfully sent me to Kenya twice and is sending me back a third time. I can confidently say that I know I'm meant to be in Kenya. I can also confidently say that my purpose in this moment is to finish school before I go. I have learned so much since I first went to Kenya May 19, 2011. And I know that my journey is far from over.

I long for the people of Ngaamba that became more than faces with names, but dear friends. My soul aches for the precious voices of 21 other interns praising our Savior late into the night. My heart yearns for the greetings of the 252 team and the smiling faces of children dropping in to say hello. I'm no longer jealous for their joy, because I have been awakened to where it lies. It was this summer that I learned what a true brother in Christ looks like. It was 21 other people that showed me what true community is. It was 3 fearless leaders that displayed true leadership. It was in a living room in Nairobi where I discovered what God really thinks about me. It was in Segera where I saw the faithfulness of God and the true power of prayer. It was in Ngaamba where I saw the fruit of bold conversations. It was there that I knew God heard me and saw Him wink at me. It was at an orphanage in Nairobi where I experienced how God fights for me. It was in the scruffy voice of a boy named Melvin that I heard my Savior's gentle whispers. It was while painting canvases with hand and footprints that He told me I'd be back. It was in the bedroom of Narnia that I was able to laugh at past situations and claim victory over them. It was in the actions of my teammates that I learned what respect and pursuit looks like. It was in the lives of others that I got to witness victory through Christ. It was on top of a mountain that I realized I can't give up. It was over the course of ten weeks that I lived and loved, laughed and cried, grew stronger and broke down, let go and overcame. And that was only the beginning...