Over the past month at church, we were talking about Joseph and the pit he was in. We talked about what he learned while he was there and how God used that time to prepare him for what was coming. Joseph waited for God to pull him out of the pit. The pit was empty and void of water. (Genesis 37:24). Much like Joseph, I've been in my own pit since August. I just didn't recognize it for what it was.
Joseph's pit was a literal hole in the ground while mine was something different: school. Something inside of me has been telling me this isn't where I'm supposed to be anymore but I was fighting it. School has been hell for me and I haven't been able to live a full life confined within the walls that are holding me in. I've been waiting for the Lord, like Joseph, to just pull me out. But He had other plans in mind.
This summer, we had to pick one word that we thought God was teaching us. At first I thought my word was "wait", but I soon realized it was actually "walk". We walked all over the beautiful country of Kenya and I grew to prefer that over the bus rides. God constantly whispered in my ear that all He was asking me to do was walk with Him. He asked me in Kenya, and He's asked me again - while I was in my pit.
Like this summer, I thought He was asking me to wait - and so I did. I waited for His voice, for signs, for others to speak. I waited and waited and waited. But I never moved. For the past 7 months, I've been in a pit that looks a lot like a classroom and art studios. I've felt like I had to finish, that I had to stay. But, there was no passion for it, no desire. I would watch my classmates get so excited about design and paper samples and all I could think about was when I could talk to a future intern and answer their questions about Journey or Kenya. The only places I cared to be were at the church or in Kenya. But, I felt like I couldn't move from where I was.
Turns out the only things keeping me in school were the fact that the world says I have to go to school and get a degree and the fear of letting my parents down or disappointing them. But I was reminded that there is no fear in love, because perfect love casts out fear. (1 John 4:18). While my parents and others may WANT the best for me, I fully trust that God KNOWS best for me. So, while I was sitting in school, miserable as ever, just waiting for someone to tell me to move, the Lord was patiently waiting for me to do what He's been teaching me since May - to get up and simply walk.
He wasn't going to pull me out of this one because He knew that with Him by my side, I could walk out. He knew I could walk out of the light that culture was shining into my pit. He knew I could walk through the door of fear that was keeping me in. He knew that I could boldly walk out of what the world has for me and into what He has for me because He has equipped me, He is with me, and He is for me. When you realize that you don't belong to the world, but rather to the King - now that is an unstoppable force.
There is an overwhelming confidence that comes with walking in the steps of my Savior. There is a boldness in my steps because I know who goes before me. I also know who stands behind me. With God on my side, the world doesn't stand a chance. I may be called to be in this world, but I am not called to be of it.
So now I walk...
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