Baking of Bread: A Mom's Humbling Sacrifice

"For children are not obligated to save up for their parents, but parents for their children. I will most gladly spend and be spent for your souls." - 2 Corinthians 12:14-15

Ever since I can remember, my parents have gone above and beyond to provide for my brother and I. We've never gone hungry or unclothed. We've never had to live on the streets or move in with friends. We've had numerous family trips and vacations. We've both been able to go to college. And, I've been able to go to Kenya. The Summer of 2013 will be for the third time. It is easy to look at my life and see that I've been greatly blessed with a fantastic family and parents that go out of their way to make sure I have what I need and most of what I want. (Still working on the F250;) )

Today, I was reminded just how much they do sacrifice for me, even at almost 23 years old. Still being in school, I don't have a lot of time to work which means I don't have the means to pay for a lot right now. More days than not, I walk around feeling guilty about it. But, today I was reminded that that's what God gave me parents for - to provide for me. Now, one day I will not rely on my parents anymore for my daily living, but for now that's the circumstances I've been given. I truly believe the Lord is using it to keep me humble and to remind me that I can't do anything on my own. Even when I won't rely on my parents anymore, I will still have to rely on Him - for even more than I rely on my parents now.

This morning, my mom sent me an email that she also sent out to her friends and co-workers. This is what it said:

Dear Friends and Supporters!!
My daughter, Abi, has applied and been accepted to go back to Kenya next summer with Choose to Invest.  She will go as staff this time.  This is truly where God is leading and using her.  All my bread proceeds for this year will again go to Kenya!  Just when I thought I would get ahead on some things, God seems to have other ideas.  I am so thankful He has given me this outlet in order to serve Him.

As many times as I've thought about people serving the body of Christ, I seem to forget that I am part of that body. My mom has sacrificed so much over the years for my brother and I. I can't even pretend to know all the things she's wanted to do but hasn't done so that we could do what we wanted. This is just another example of that. My mom's bread baking is her thing - something she loves doing for our family as well as others. And, yet again, she is using it to help me get to where I'm meant to be. I'm speechless as I read over this email again and again. I may be called to reach people 9,000 miles away, but my mom is reaching someone under her own roof. (Which is JUST as important and necessary might I add.) I am so humbled and thankful for the things my mom has done and is currently doing to help get me to where God has called me. I'm a part of my family for a reason and God knew long before I was created that I would need them to help me with all the things that have been placed on my heart - and He's blessed them with the means to do it. He blesses us so that we may bless others.


I am completely humbled this morning by witnessing my mom selflessly serving our God and me as I prepare for the next steps of my journey. I pray that we both continue to lean into Him and trust in His holy and perfect way. I pray we always enjoy the journey.

Rejoice Project

This is just a glimpse of what I had the opportunity to do this summer. I am still so humbled, honored, excited, and thankful for all that the Lord taught me and is continuing to teach me through my J2012 team and the people that I met in Kenya.

Journey Reflections

-Day 17 Reflection - 4 June 2012 - Monday - Ngaamba

Teaching for the first time.

Denali Primary School: 1st of the Summer.

"Beautiful. Today was absolutely beautiful. God is so alive and moving in this place. We got to walk to first school and it was the most beautiful walk. We got to talk to some of the 252 team. For part of the way we drove and Kristin asked us to sing some songs and pray. It was such a cool thing to experience with part of my team. When we got to the school, all the parents greeted us with hugs and smiles. We helped them gather stones to build the new school. It will take two years to complete it. I worked with a woman named Victoria. She has 3 kids. I met one of them, Kevin. These people work harder than anyone I've ever met before. I felt so convicted of being lazy back home. They never complain or stop to rest and they do everything with a smile on their face.

Jon Fox teaching kids through Rejoice Project.

My God is so so good. So beautiful and so intentional. The kids at the school don't have many visitors so they went a little crazy when we got there. We split up into smaller teams and got to teach 4 classes. Class 7 and 8 were two of the ones in our room and it was the first time I got to talk about something outside of the curriculum. Rachel asked them if they knew that God knows how many hairs are on their head. most of them seemed really surprised and said no. So I got to tell them that God's thoughts about them were more than the grains of sand and that wanted to talk to them. It was such a divine moment and completely orchestrated by God.

Kids at Kiu Primary playing.

After the lesson we got to play with the kids. They are starving for attention. When we left, I was walking when I felt two little hands grab me - Umbua and Thimba. We walked together until they had to turn to go home. I found myself walking in the middle of the road where there are ditches. I held their hands so they could walk up on the solid ground. I heard God whisper to me, "That's what I do with you." He constantly walks with us and allows us to stand on Him so we're not walking in the ditches but on solid ground. It was such a good day.

Our view at the top of the mountain outside of Kiu Primary. 

On the bus ride home, we all sang as loud as we could. I love worshipping my God with our team. He has blessed us so much and I know that there are only greater things to come."








Looking back at this journal entry, I can remember feeling so frustrated that day with how teaching went. I can remember getting back to the campsite feeling defeated because nothing went the way we planned. But, it was in the moment of feeling frustrated that God so lovingly - but firmly - assured me that things will never go well if I only rely on my own abilities. It was that day that I really understood that I have to rely on Him for His strength and not my own. I could've fought all summer, like I did that day, to make things go my way. But, I decided in my tent that night to hand my plans over to Him. Had I not, my summer would've been completely different. I'm so thankful that the Lord allowed me to feel as if I failed that day so that I would realize just how little I can accomplish without him. If I couldn't even carry a bag of rocks up a hill, how would I ever carry the weight of my own problems? That's the beauty of my Savior. He carries them for me and asks me to just keep walking.

Beauty in the Valley

My team this summer was heading to Kwambekenya when we stopped at The Great Rift Valley to look at some shops. I was standing on the lookout and I could not get over how absolutely stunning the valley was. It wasn't until two nights later when the Lord spoke me and told me that my own personal valley was just as stunning. Since that night, I've taken those words and applied them to every day of my life and the changes within my heart are inexplainable. Now, I'd love to be able to say that I'm never sad or frustrated or upset anymore but, that's not the kind of change I'm talking about. The valley is still frustrating. It's still upsetting at times. But, when I pause to reflect on why I'm in the valley, I find that it brings me an immense amount of joy.

We so often hear people talk about being "on the mountain top" or "in the valley" in regards to where they are in their walk with Jesus. More times than not, people would rather be on the mountain top as opposed to in the valley. I was one of those people before this summer. But, I've come to prefer being in the valley.

You see, while the mountain top is great, the valley is where you flourish, where you learn to struggle and overcome; where you learn to keep fighting. The view from the top may be spectacular, but if you stop and think about what you're looking at when you're up there, you'll realize that it's either the valley you just came out of, or the one you're about to head in to. From the top, the valley looks beautiful. So why isn't it that way while we're in it? If we can learn to change our perspective on where we currently are, our view of why we're there will drastically change.

In Ezekiel 3 God asks Ezekiel to GO into the valley so that He may speak to him. The Lord says to him, "Arise, go out into the valley, and there I will speak with you." (Ez 3:22). God asked Ezekiel to LEAVE the comfort of where he was and enter the valley where there was no one else but God. When I read this it spoke so strongly to me and was so encouraging to me to keep walking through my valley. So many times we feel as if Jesus has left us in the middle of the valley to find our own way out. But that is so far from true. He enters the valley WITH us! He walks with us - step for step. He leads us when we don't know the way. He pushes us to take that next step. He NEVER leaves us.

I just want to encourage you to really pray about why you're in the valley and to pray for God to change your perspective on being there. So many times I think to myself that everything would be so much easier if I could just get to the mountain top. But, I get there and find that I'm longing to be back in the valley. The valley is challenging. It shapes me and molds me. It's where I am reminded that I can't do it on my own. When you begin to see the beauty that your valley contains, you'll begin to see the beauty and goodness in every situation you find yourself in. You'll begin to see the purpose in every single thing that you face.

I used to be jealous of people who were on the mountain top. But, I've learned to celebrate with them while they're there; to encourage them and walk beside them while in the valley. Every moment has a purpose, you just have to be willing to appreciate where you are so that your eyes and heart may be opened to it.

Your valley is meaningful.
Your valley is full of life.
Your valley is important.
Your valley is YOURS.
Your valley is purposed and planned.
Your valley is beautiful.

Have faith and take a step.

Purpose

"I long for that sunset and that star-filled sky. My soul aches for that vast, open sky and endless horizon, uninterrupted by buildings or traffic. My heart yearns for the laughter and beautiful voices of hundreds of lovely children singing to us. I'm jealous for that pure joy, that radiating happiness regardless of temporary circumstances. It was there that I felt the true presence of God. It was then that I truly fell in love for the first time - with my Savior and all that He is, and a girl named Rebecca. It was in the middle of a field, walking on a well worn path to a village, that I finally felt the freedom God so often speaks of. It was at a school where I learned the meaning of slowing down, not worrying, and taking time to invest in the people God has placed in your life. It was in a tent on a Sunday that I witnessed true worship. It was in a hut built by a woman named Anna that I received healing and confirmation from God. It was at 5 a.m. when I stood across from Mt. Kenya and watched the sun rise. In all its glory, it was then that I witnessed creation worshiping its creator. It was on a street with no name, and in the hands of a community that I left my heart. It was on an airplane that I left my fear behind and learned to embrace the journey."

I wrote this after returning from Kenya the first time. And it's been mind blowing to look back and see the things God has allowed me to fall completely in love with. And, I know, at the root of it all, is Him. At the base, at the bottom, at the foundation of everything in my life, sits my Almighty Father on His holy and righteous throne. It is because of His grace, love, passion and relentless pursuit of my heart and life that I am able to know and understand where He has me and where He is taking me. I can't tell you the number of visions that dance through my head that I know are completely from the Lord and that I know He will bring to fruition one day. It is with boldness and confidence and pure JOY that I can say I'm thankful for the desert He has me in right now. I've never been more miserable in school in my life. But I've never been more satisfied in my Savior. I was made in the image of the Creator, the image of Christ, the image of my Father. Jesus went to the desert before He began His 33 year long ministry. So, why wouldn't Jesus ask me to do the same.

I've learned in the past few weeks that God will test you. He will push you. Because He alone knows what you're capable of. He knows when you're going to persevere and when you're going to crash and burn. He knew I would want to quit (and still do some days.) But, He also knew I would seek Him and listen to His spirit. He knew I would keep going and come out stronger than before. And, I truly believe that this is what the next three years are for - strengthening me so that I am prepared to leave here and go to where I've been called. He knows my heart longs for that day. But He keeps me focused while I'm here. He knows. He knows it ALL.

If you've ever read Kisses From Katie, you might remember the part where she talks about Pslam 37:4 which says, "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." She talks about how she changed her perspective on that verse and when she did, her life began to change. She began to ask God to make HIS desires HER desires and He began to open so many doors. The same is true for me. I began doing the same thing and rather than just praying for God to send me to Kenya, I began to ask Him to send me on His time and to close that door if it wasn't something He had planned for me. Well, He opened doors and opened them ALL the way! He has faithfully sent me to Kenya twice and is sending me back a third time. I can confidently say that I know I'm meant to be in Kenya. I can also confidently say that my purpose in this moment is to finish school before I go. I have learned so much since I first went to Kenya May 19, 2011. And I know that my journey is far from over.

I long for the people of Ngaamba that became more than faces with names, but dear friends. My soul aches for the precious voices of 21 other interns praising our Savior late into the night. My heart yearns for the greetings of the 252 team and the smiling faces of children dropping in to say hello. I'm no longer jealous for their joy, because I have been awakened to where it lies. It was this summer that I learned what a true brother in Christ looks like. It was 21 other people that showed me what true community is. It was 3 fearless leaders that displayed true leadership. It was in a living room in Nairobi where I discovered what God really thinks about me. It was in Segera where I saw the faithfulness of God and the true power of prayer. It was in Ngaamba where I saw the fruit of bold conversations. It was there that I knew God heard me and saw Him wink at me. It was at an orphanage in Nairobi where I experienced how God fights for me. It was in the scruffy voice of a boy named Melvin that I heard my Savior's gentle whispers. It was while painting canvases with hand and footprints that He told me I'd be back. It was in the bedroom of Narnia that I was able to laugh at past situations and claim victory over them. It was in the actions of my teammates that I learned what respect and pursuit looks like. It was in the lives of others that I got to witness victory through Christ. It was on top of a mountain that I realized I can't give up. It was over the course of ten weeks that I lived and loved, laughed and cried, grew stronger and broke down, let go and overcame. And that was only the beginning...

Here.

"There's no place I'd rather be than here in Your love." 

I sang this all summer with 21 other interns and I can finally say that it's true. I was looking through my Kenya pictures and realized that so many times in life, I've wanted to be in someone else's shoes. I've wished I had their joy or their situation. But by doing so, I completely disregarded my own circumstances. By wishing to be somewhere else, I said to God that my plans and desires for my life were superior to His. And, that my friends, is simply not the case - for anyone.

You see, God hand crafted me (and you too!) And, in doing so, He hand crafted my circumstances. He chose which paths I would walk down and where He would send me. He chose Journey for me. He chose 7 years of school for me instead of 4. He chose and crafted my community. If my God hand picked the people I do life with and the places I do life in, WHY would I ever wish to step into the life He's chosen for someone else?! So many times in life I've wanted what others have, only to miss what GOD has for me. While we sit and desire to be where someone else is, others sit and desire to be where we are. When we fail to see that where God has us, right now, in this moment, is holy and perfect, we fail to see who He really is. We completely miss His sovereignty and His love for us.

This summer we had to pick a word. At first my word was 'waiting'. But, it then changed to 'walk'. We walked ALL over Kenya and one day He spoke to me so clearly. My friend Johannes told me to walk along this skinny ridge alongside a dried up river. If I had fallen, well, I probably wouldn't be writing this. And, I told Johannes that he was crazy for asking me to walk right there. But, my dear friend stopped and said to me, "Yes, but Abi, if you walk on this side of the ridge, your feet will sink in the dirt and you will be stuck." Do you see it? Do you get it? My "A HA!" moment. God has us right where we are FOR A REASON! And that place is the best place for you to be, simply because He placed you there. It might be scary. It might not be where you think you should be. But it's where He wants you and THAT is a beautiful thing.

He chose Kenya for me FOR A REASON!
He chose Anderson for me FOR A REASON!
He chose NewSpring for me FOR A REASON!
He chose singleness for me FOR A REASON!
He chose my family for me FOR A REASON!
He chose my community for me FOR A REASON!

I could go on and on. But I think you get the point. So, now, with confidence I can sing, "There's no place I'd rather be than HERE in Your love!"

HERE is now. In this moment. In this town. In this community. In the midst of His steadfast love. And there's NO place I'd rather be.

The Journey Begins!

I have to wake up in a little over two hours and I absolutely canNOT sleep! I am so full of joy and anticipation for what is about to happen this summer. I am so so so honored that the Lord would use me as His vessel to share His love with the people of this beautiful nation! The word that comes to my mind over and over is humble. I am absolutely humbled by what He is asking me to and now more than ever am I willing to do it in confidence. Not because of anything I can do on my own, but because I know He is with me always. He promises to never leave or forsake me and THAT is powerful.

I keep watching this video over and over. It moves me to the core and I know that God is with me. He is with me in the good times and the bad. He is always here and always good. And, no matter what, He is sovereign and I will praise His name.

Let It Be

When words are fleeting, Jesus speaks. When thoughts are confusing, Jesus calms them. When people are absent, Jesus fills their place.

I am about to embark on what I believe will be a huge landmark in my life. A 70 day adventure with 20 something other college students. To say I have huge expectations for this summer would be an immense understatement. Words cannot scratch the surface of what I feel and know in my heart is about to happen. I don't know what it will all look like, but I do know God is going to move! The beauty of it all is that He has already gone before myself and my entire team and orchestrated every conversation we will have, every event that will happen, every encounter we will make. He has already been there and will be there when it happens.

Ever since going to Kenya last year, I have often wondered why God would choose me to be a part of all this. I don't know what I'm doing AT ALL! But, my God is outside of time and He knew long before the earth was ever formed that tomorrow would be here. He knew that a year ago I would make my first trip to Kenya and absolutely fall in love with the people and the country. He knew that my heart would stay there. He knew that I would long to return. And, He knew that I would go back. The way He has arranged all of this journey up to this day has been absolutely mind blowing and so humbling. He has taught so much through this process and I am so thankful that He never gives up on me! His love never runs out!

One thing I keep going back to is the last day we were in Ereri last year. I was talking to Rebecca and I made her a promise. I told her that I loved her so much and then I promised I would come back to see her. After I got on the bus, it hit me. What if I never get to go back though? Part of me felt guilty but I knew that even if I didn't see her on this earth again, I would see her on the streets of gold and we would sing together again. She has never left my mind or my heart since last year and I prayed every day that she would fall even more in love with Jesus and that I would see her again. As it turns out, this Journey team is the first team to go to the region of Segera - where Rebecca lives. I have no doubt in my mind that this is one of the many reasons I am on this trip. I made a girl a promise and God is allowing me to fulfill it. He is SO good!

I have so many emotions running through me right now. I'm excited to be returning to Kenya and to meet all these new people. I'm stoked to learn even more about the God I serve and call Father. I'm excited that He is allowing me to share His love with others. But, I'm scared. I'm scared to be gone for this long. I'm scared of what might change while I am gone. I'm scared of what the Lord might ask me to do. But, most of al, I am willing. I am willing to be uncomfortable. I am willing to hand over my fears and place them in the hands of my Savior. I am willing to go where ever He may call me. He is in control and THAT excites me! That absolutely pumps me up! Knowing that He has already gone before me and that I can't screw anything up because He has already done the work is so freeing and such a relief!

Lord, I pray that I would just be in your presence during this time. I pray that I would lay aside all of my plans and that yours would be made known. I pray that everything I do would bring glory to Your name alone. This is all for You and because of You. I pray that my team would stand as one and honor You in all of our actions. I pray that our motives would be pure, hearts would be guarded but open to You moving in them. Open our ears God, let us hear what You would say to us. I pray for divine intervention throughout this whole Journey. You are so so good. We are so undeserving. I love you. All of this in Your precious name...

Amen.
Let it be.

I Am the Man in the Moon

I was driving home tonight after Fuse*, and I was thinking about - as I often do during car rides - just how marvelous and wonderful my God is. I had already had a cry-fest from being overwhelmed with joy from the Lord when I started to think about the moon. Many of you know why the moon is so dear to my heart, but tonight it finally clicked. I AM the moon! And so are you!

The other day we had a full moon. Before I ever saw the full moon at night, I saw it during the day. I've always thought it was a really neat thing to be able to see the moon during the day. It puts into perspective for me just how small I am. But, tonight, it hit me. This whole concept of seeing the moon during the day and seeing it at night.

Now, I'm sure we've all seen the moon during the day at some point in our lives. It's big, white, nothing really out of the ordinary. But at night, it shines! It radiates! It lights up the sky and guides us home. You may be asking yourself at this point, "how am I the moon?" Well, I'd love to tell you.

There are two types of people in this world: lost and found. Those that are lost are the moon during the day, just a shape hanging around with not a whole lot to offer to the world other than something cool to look at. Those that are found are the moon during the night, reflecting the light of the sun, being seen as something beautiful, extravagant, and most importantly, a light in the dark.

When we are without Christ we are dead. We don't shine. We don't radiate. With Christ, we do just that. We have the ability to light up the world. We were made in the image of Christ and He is the light of the world! He is the Son. And as Christians, we are the light as well. WE ARE THE MOON! We are able to reflect Christ and show others the way to Him. We reflect His light so that the world may see who He is, so that they may know He cares for enough to light their path - even in the dark!

So, I would challenge you to really think about who you are. You are the moon, but do you reflect the Son?